Just A Kiss
by GothTrekkie
Summary: We all know Howard and Vince kissed on the roof, but what happened after the party? Howard/Vince.


**If you haven't watched the deleted and extended scenes for "The Party" yet, please do before reading this, or you might be just the slightest bit confused. (It's on YouTube; you should at least watch the last 25 seconds.)**

"I'm Old Gregg! I'm gonna give Howard the night to remember! I'm gonna give him the night of his life! I'm Old Gregg!" the scaly man fish shut the door and scurried over to Howard, who was sitting on the bed, removing his shoes. At least, he assumed you were supposed to remove your shoes before sex, right?

"Aah! G—Greg? What are you doing here? Where's… pencil case girl?"

"There is no pencil case girl, Howard. Just me, I'm Old Gregg!"

Howard scooted backwards on the bed as Old Gregg inched closer with a predatory look in his eyes. "L—long time no see, Gregg. You, uh, done any more water colors lately? Want me to get you a Bailey's? I'm sure Naboo's got some downstairs. I'll just pop down and get it…"

"You know very well what I want, Howard. You left me there in that cave, hmm? After you said you'd marry me. Now, you're gonna make sweet love to me, and then we're gonna get married, just like we always planned."

Howard chuckled nervously. "Yeah, um, about that Gregg…"

The merman stopped his advance. "You're not gonna leave me again, are you? You don't want to make me have to hurt you, do you, Howard?"

"No, no, nothing like that, Gregg. Just, before we… make love, I should grab us a condom."

"We don't need that. We're gonna be married."

"Better safe than sorry, Gregg. I could have a sexually transmitted disease! Last thing I'd want to do is give something like that to you, eh? So why don't you just wait here, and I'll be back before you know it?"

"Okay, I'll wait here for ya!" said Old Gregg, taking a seat on the bed and touching the sheets. "Mmm soft."

Howard smiled his best phony smile before dashing out of the door and slamming it behind him. "Vince!" he shouted, running down the hall. He pounded on his friend's door. "Vince!"

The mod's head peaked out from behind the door, obviously trying to hide the state of partial nudity he and his lady friend were in. "What do you want? You need a rubber johnnie? Here, have a whole pack of 'em. I've got plenty," said Vince, tossing Howard a box of condoms.

Howard turned the box over in his hands. "Glitter condoms? Why the hell would anyone—never mind! Vince, you've got to help me!"

"I can't teach you how to shag a girl, Howard. I'm busy."

"No, you don't understand. She's not a girl!"

"Well that's great then, since you're such a 'massive gayist.'"

"It's Old Gregg!"

"What?"

"Old Gregg! The sea monster from Black Lake! He's in my room right now, and if I'm not back in 60 seconds he's gonna know I'm not just grabbing johnnies!"

"Oh, shit! What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking you!"

"I'll go find Naboo. He'll know what to do."

"Uh, hello," called the young woman lying on Vince's bed. "Aren't you going to come ravish me?"

"Sorry, I can't. Howard's in trouble!"

"Well what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't care! Just not me!"

The woman pouted and started gathering up her clothes.

Vince turned back to Howard. "Um, go tell Gregg that I'm all out of johnnies, but I'm going downstairs to look for more, okay?"

"Right. Then what?"

"Stall him! I'll get Naboo, and we'll come rescue you, just like always."

"And what if I can't stall him long enough? What if Naboo doesn't know what to do?"

Vince grimaced. "You might have to shag him, Howard."

Howard shuddered in disgust. "I'm not losing my virginity to him!"

"This all could have been avoided if you'd just stuck with me. But no, you chose him."

"Howard?" Old Gregg's voice sounded through the door.

Vince shoved Howard back towards his bedroom. "Go, go! Don't worry; I'll be back. I promise!"

"Where've you been? I've been waiting right here for ya. Waiting for you to hold me with your strong arms."

"Yeah, about that, bad news, Vince didn't have any more condoms. But he's looking for some right now."

"Don't lie to me, boy! You just don't want me! Old Gregg's not good enough for you! You never loved me!"

"I'm not lying! I do love you!"

"You don't!"

"I do!"

"You don't!"

"I do!"

"Then prove it."

"H—how?"

Old Gregg's eyes darted about the room. "You got any string?"

* * *

"Naboo! Naboo!" Vince dashed about the house until he found the shaman.

"What do you want now?"

"We've got to save Howard! Old Gregg snuck in and he's got Howard cornered in his bedroom."

The shaman shook his head. "Alright, I'll see what I can do. Come on, Bollo." Begrudgingly, Naboo and the gorilla made their way up to Howard's bedroom with Vince in tow.

* * *

"Oh god, please don't kill me," Howard begged as Old Gregg loomed above him with a pocket knife. "I've got so much to give."

Before Gregg could respond, Bollo slammed the door open. Naboo and Vince's jaws dropped as they saw Howard tied helplessly to his bed posts with shoe laces and Gregg's tie, the man-fish himself holding a knife.

"Put down knife," said Bollo.

Old Gregg shook his head. "You'll just take him away from me again. Like you did before. He loves me. We're gonna get married!"

"You can't marry him if you kill him!" said Naboo.

"Hasn't stopped me before. I'm Old Gregg!"

"Do something!" Vince urged.

"Get him, Bollo!" ordered Naboo.

The gorilla charged towards Old Gregg and tackled him, trying to grab the knife from his webbed hands. "You can't stop me! I'm Old Gregg!"

"Would someone please get me out of here?" cried Howard, struggling at his bonds.

"Break his neck, Bollo!" cried Naboo.

"What is all the ruckus!" bellowed the head shaman, barging into the room. "Some of us are trying to question their sexuality in peace… hello…"

The knife fell from Old Gregg's hand as he locked eyes with the head shaman. "Hi there."

"And who might you be?" asked Dennis.

"I'm Old Gregg."

"Naboo, have your familiar unhand this poor man at once."

"He was gonna kill Howard!" the shaman protested.

"Naboo…"

"Let him go, Bollo."

As soon as Bollo released him from his grasp, Old Gregg scurried over to the head shaman. "You saved me! What do you call yourself, hmm?"

"I'm Dennis."

"I like you. Do you like me?"

Dennis took in a sharp breath. "How would you like to take me on a journey through sexual self-discovery, Gregg?"

"Do you want to go to a club where people wee on each other?" asked Old Gregg as he and Dennis began to walk out of the room together.

Dennis pondered it for a moment. "For you Gregg, I just might."

Vince and Naboo shared a wide eyed glance as the two disappeared down the hall.

"Uh, a little help here?" said Howard.

Snapping out of his shock, Vince ran over and began untying Howard's bonds. "Are you alright? He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"Rope was a little tight, but nothing too bad," he replied, rubbing his wrists once they were freed. "Thanks for saving me."

"No problem. I couldn't have just let you get raped by a sea monster, could I?"

"I don't know. I was a bit of an arse to you."

"Howard, if I was going to abandon you for being an arse, I would have left a long time ago."

"Are we all done here?" asked Naboo.

"Yeah, cheers, Naboo. You always know how to get us out of trouble," grinned Vince.

"Yeah, yeah," muttered the shaman, turning to walk out of the room.

An awkward silence fell as Howard and Vince both listened to the muffled sounds of the party outside. "It's just my luck, you know. The one time I have a chance at getting laid, and she turns out to be a sea monster," Howard muttered.

Vince placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "I'm sorry your birthday didn't turn out."

Howard shrugged. "I've had worse. I've never had this many people show up before, even though I don't know any of them. And hey, I did have my first kiss."

Vince looked down, unable to meet Howard's gaze. "Howard… you don't have to stay in here tonight. It might be a bit… traumatic, after all that."

"Where am I going to sleep then?"

"You could sleep in my room. Remember when we used to sleep in sleeping bags on the floor together?"

"Yeah, and you'd keep me up all night droning on about the latest album from god knows what electronic band or about how the peacock was stealing your look."

"Yeah, the good old days," Vince grinned. "But really, come with me. You shouldn't be alone after something like that. You might not feel it now, but in a couple hours it'll set in, and you'll be liable to wake up sobbing and screaming for your mum."

"That's a comforting thought," muttered Howard. "What about the guests though?"

"Aw, they'll be fine. Naboo'll kick 'em out if it gets too late. It's his house anyways."

"Won't argue with that," said Howard, picking up his pillow and following Vince to his room.

* * *

Howard and Vince laid together in the mod's bed, a carefully calculated distance between them. A comfortable yet awkward silence fell over the dim room—lit only by Vince's lava lamps—as they stared at the ceiling and listened to the sounds of the party gradually die away.

Once all was quiet outside of the tiny room, the silence became to Howard like an itch he could no longer resist scratching. "So, that girl left, eh?"

"Yeah. It's alright; I'd much rather have you here than her."

"Did you mean it… when you got jealous of pencil case girl?"

"Well yeah… I guess."

"Why did you react so badly just before then?" Howard asked.

"Well… it was all a bit sudden. I mean, one kiss and all the sudden you're in love with me? I expected you to wipe the spit from your face and not talk to me for a week like the time you accidentally used my tooth brush. But then when you went after her again... well I wasn't expecting that either. I'd only just gotten used to the thought of you liking me."

"Well I obviously wasn't getting anywhere with you. I didn't want to let the one person I might have a chance with slip through my fingers."

"I was gonna kiss you again when we fell off the roof…" Vince said quietly to the ceiling.

"You were?"

"Yeah…"

"Look, I just want to know where we stand," said Howard, turning on his side to face Vince. "Do you like me?"

"Yeah, I do," the mod replied, still refusing to make eye contact.

"Well, I like you too."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm."

"Well… good," decided Vince.

"Good."

Vince finally rolled over and let his eyes meet Howard's. "Well, I guess we should try to sleep then."

"Probably best," the other man agreed. Before he knew it, Vince's lips were on his again, and just as quickly, they were gone.

"Goodnight, Howard."

Howard grinned to himself as he pulled up the covers. "Goodnight, Vincey."


End file.
